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Part of sexual health is enjoying good sex and having your intimacy needs met. Let’s face it, many of us aren’t there yet because of challenges within our relationships, misguided sexual beliefs, sexual trauma, or not believing we’re deserving of pleasure. 

Another thing that could be standing in the way of great sex is misunderstandings you have about sexual compatibility. Like our fairytales around meeting “The one,” we sometimes assume that by finding someone attractive, you’ll have instant sexual chemistry with them and sex will be a 10 every time. However, this often isn’t the case.

Sexual compatibility has several definitions but ultimately it’s about getting on the same wavelength sexually. 

According to Donna Oriowo, LICSW, M.Ed, CST, an educator and sex therapist located in Capitol Heights, Maryland, “Sexual compatibility is the space where those in a relationship have shared or similar sexual needs, desires, preferences, and a complimentary desire for sexual frequency.” 

Sometimes, we get so hung up on compatibility meaning you have to be the same sexually that we don’t realize we can have different sexual needs and still be compatible. Ultimately, it’s about your ability to communicate your sexual needs and your partner’s willingness to be open enough to attempt to meet them. And vice versa. So here are a few myths regarding sexual compatibility that a trio of Black sexual therapists are dispelling.

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